B013
The Not-Self Solar-Plexus-Center
“Those with an undefined Solar Plexus may feel as though they have been emotionally out of control all their lives. When emotionally confronted, they may experience sensations that include ‘fear, terror, shock, and anger.”
★ Solar Plexus Center - The Definitive Book of Human Design
I have an undefined Solar-Plexus-Center which is the most dominant Center and Authority of the Human Design BodyGraph’s hierarchy. To be aware of the Not-Self of the Undefined Solar-Plexus-Center has naturally become an important focus in my deconditioning journey as the Not-Self of this center is something I am witnessing ‘at large’ in my Not-Self habits.
In a recent episodic experience at the start of summer: ‘Shame, blame, fear, terror, shock, and anger’ were a storm in my body and mind as I found myself extremely triggered by the events I was experiencing. I then had a moment of realisation that I was in Colour-Transference of my Sixth-Colour-Motivation and began to examine the Not-Self symptoms that I was expressing in this hyper vigilant trigger. Layer this distortion with a signature of bitterness, and then picture me a very Large-Split-Definition, Projector-Aura, shook to my core, being hyper Not-Self, full of blame and bitterness, and there I was.
“Personality-Colour-Transference is to a Projector what Responding is to a Generator.”
★ The Projector Signature - From Bitterness To Success
When reflecting about this particular ‘episode’ later on I had caught these symptoms in action and in this particular moment the ‘anger-blame’ had built up from a series of events that I had entirely personalized every step of the way. When I returned home it was then interesting to read the following after referencing this chapter about the Solar-Plexus-Center.
“They often feel something is wrong with them. They are generally sensitive to the emotional climate that they have personalized emotionally charged events over the years, hanging on to and taking the blame for what does not belong to them.”
★ Undefined Solar Plexus Center -The Definitive Book of Human Design
“Whoops!”
★ On that day (and maybe others) - Alex The Aries
In this moment of awareness of Colour-Transference I measured the scale of Not-Self at play, I stopped in my tracks, and took a deep breath as I felt into my body’s Authority. I immediately pivoted my trajectory and stomped home to the refuge of my mountain vantage, in what was a rather whimsical low feeling.
While successful in negating further damages through experimentation of this awareness, the feeling was low because I was particularly empty in the tank at this point and perhaps my body was flooded with the stress response hormone cortisol.
While writing this Blog post it was interesting to read in Human Design that the Solar-Plexus-Center is associated with the Kidneys glands which in modern medical terms is an organ that produces cortisol in the body. This hormone cortisol is regulated in the mind which is a response to stress, and as a Projector-Aura with the 61-24, a stress disorder, and a Dormant Gate-49.5, the pieces fit that there is room for some dysfunction, energy blocks, and distortion to this chemistry. My Root-Center is loaded with Hanging-Gates but not Gate-19. In Human Design terms stress is produced from the Root-Center and in particular the Chanel of 49-19 Channel Of Synthesis that connects to the Solar-Plexus-Center is the process of creating kidney fluid through its glands. As far as I can tell in my brief investigation of this, a hormone such as cortisol would be considered a fluid substance with the example being the glands of the kidney secreting cortisol into our bloodstream.
To indicate how stress impacts me, and to add deeper context to this, stress has been the story for the majority of my life, being diagnosed with Complex-PTSD in my adulthood, from trauma being rooted in long term childhood experiences. Triggers can last for many months, and be hyper intense for weeks.
As someone diagnosed with C-PTSD these levels of triggers are in my body and feel overwhelming and rising like a tide, numbing in its hold of my body, and that my capacity to cap this flooding before it becomes an overflow, depends on my ability to tune into the moment.
Human Design has upgraded my approach to this and provided me with a vocabulary and means to become aware of my behaviour. Speaking of the Not-Self can sound rather brutal or overly negative, and really what we are talking about is that the Not-Self is the mental chatter caused by the absence of definition, causing Not-Self symptoms or dialog of mental decision making. It is also energy we may experience, however not our energy to ‘act from’. Especially as a Projector-Aura it would be redundant for me to ignore this energy that I am mechanically absorbing and that in which I have been designed to focus into. The Not-Self never goes away, we won’t cure the Not-Self, it will be there at every step of awareness and by default a part of your design operating in dysfunction.
I’ve returned to this drafted-Blog post entry months later after experiencing another similar episode recently, and this was a brutal trigger which days later lead to many levels of post physical experiences including blurred vision, shaking, nausea, migraines, and self loathing-catastrophizing. Once again these Not-Self symptoms of the not-self Solar-Plexus-Center fear, terror, shock, and anger, were the main character energy. In the height of this recent trigger a phone call broke my dissociation and for whatever reason the person calling me started by asking if they could put me on hold for a moment before the call started…
Being given this 1-2-1 moment in this unscheduled phone call, I was invited to wait. My dissociation of the moment digressed enough back into the now, and allowed me to perform an exercise known as the ‘5 Senses’ that has helped me in a lot of therapy and or similar situations when I can consciously recognise that I am dissociated but am a bit stuck. Often this could be someone else has prompted me that I am dissociated or as I call it lost in the moment and it is perhaps seen as blank dissociation by others.
On hold, waiting, I wrote down the 5 things that I was ‘sensing’ as I have found this to be an outstanding way for me to return to the moment and out of debilitating dissociation. The mind often spends most of its time in the past or the future and by tuning into my senses I return to the place in which is best for me to make a healthy decision as a Splenic-Authority. This technique is great for anyone who is caught up in the mind, and or dissociated however as a Splenic-Authority it returns the power of the now which is our natural energy to make authoritative decisions about our exchanges with others, and to make the right decisions for ourselves.
“I can see mountains. I can feel my shoulder in the palm of my hand. I can smell nothing. I can taste dry. I can hear the on hold music.”
★ Alex the Aries
In these times it is hard for my body to make a decision but I am learning there is an answer for me in the now of my Splenic-Authority. A trigger or dissociation really locks me in the mind so I have found this technique as a great way to return to a place my Splenic-Authority can take over. When I first found Human Design it took some time to distinguish between this trigger and my intuition. I am very grateful for the teachers and guides that I came across early on in my Human Design experiment who provided a safe space to explore these types of complexities, and gave me the direction to experiment with my Splenic-Authority amongst the smoke and mirrors of my trauma and Not-self energy. While the process of deconditioning has not entirely equalised the stability and success of my own trajectory and life, I am only approaching my third year next January, and for Projector-Auras the seven year cellular cycle is a necessary process of deconditioning.
I must say it’s not all doom and gloom. Being Splenic’ I have had a few laughs along the way of writing this. Something that crossed my minds eye was the thought of my Undefined Sacral-Center, G-Center, and Throat-Center, that make up the majority of my Large-Split-Definition, having this ‘side kick’ of a undefined ‘Solar-Plexus-Center’ where it could be ‘blaming’ others for my lack of emotional control and or their emotional energy.
Human Design has helped me dissect very clear measures of working through the energetic distortions that come alongside such trauma and is uniquely empowering knowledge, as the power and authority is handed to me through awareness, and experimented with at my own pace and comfort.
As I experiment more with Human Design I have been able to make a distinction from, as well as, experience the triggers less, and have not substituted other modalities such as professional support or practices, that also help me, but really used my Splenic-Authority to help protect myself by tuning into the moment of now with clear Yes and No’s.
It is reassuring knowing when I am experiencing these triggers, that the Splenic-Authority does actually have an answer for me, and it often takes me out of my situation, to a place of calm introspection. Often this will involve music, or that music will come from the deep exit of dissociation. Music seems to be something my Splenic-Authority moves towards often, or that I find music to be something I truly love and is maybe a form of non verbal acoustic mutation that helps me explain how I am struggling. My melancholic mind finds peace in being the passenger here, as I sit back and witness all the sounds and marvels of music. It’s a passive observation that lights up my heart and helps me decompress my undefined Centres if I have had intense Auric or transit exchanges. I really enjoy being in water also and this helps me with managing my stress when I am experiencing a habit of hydrotherapy.
In this particular ‘episode’ I was very triggered, and through awareness of the Human Design system I averted further harm to myself by recognising Not-Self behaviours, and how internally triggered I was. As I said the Solar-Plexus-Center has dominance in the hierarchy of Authorities in the Human Design Body Graph, and while as a Projector-Aura the undefined Sacral-Center is also a huge indication of Not-Self, the cause of experience to me has often been rooted in the Solar-Plexus-Center.
@acousticmutation
#acousticmutation #alexthearies
#introspectionadaptation
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